I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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