I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
