the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
