I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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