their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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