she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
