I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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