you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
