he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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