If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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