My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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