Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
