I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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