I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
