In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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