so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage