Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
