There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first