I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
