pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared