I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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