i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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