I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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