I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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