A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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