i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
