It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
