Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
