Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Farmville is her only friend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
