I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
