From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
