just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
