Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
