Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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