some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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