he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
