u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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