We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
