It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
