a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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