She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
