I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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