if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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