I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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