If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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