yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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