i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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