So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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