you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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