i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
