im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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