My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
