she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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