matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
honey bunches of taint.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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