butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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