Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Omg I joined a choir last night...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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