Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
