her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
