but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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