Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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