when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
