we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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