my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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