Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have fence marks all over my body
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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