i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
