my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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