I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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