lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we're making bets on your personal life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
