Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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