I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
