You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
