I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
