My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Two words: blizzard sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
