just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
