do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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