all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
