You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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