some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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