no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
