OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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