I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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