3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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