I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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