this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
