idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
