I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
this is an emotional support booty call
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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