No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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