How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
