i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
