its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
